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I have just learned something new about myself. I might have always known it but now I really actually understand it. It is a personality trait, maybe, to some. But I now know that it's rooted in my spiritual beliefs and world view.
I have a really hard time with "very Earthly" things. I just do not have the capacity to bring myself to that level, to get why they are. Let me give you a very specific example of when I had these thoughts.
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We were obtaining our license plates in Iowa and had to bring in our old Titles to our cars, to get new Iowa titles. My old car title says Megan Dean on it. It is no longer my name, but it's still me. We even brought our marriage license as proof, just in case. There was this whole complicated mess of things to sign on the back of the old/new titles. She said I had to sign Megan Dean in certain areas and Megan Van Sipe in certain areas. Basically we were transferring the title ownership FROM Megan Dean TO Megan Van Sipe. I was giving myself the rights to my car.
The ridiculousness of this situation was so blatant to me that I almost couldn't bring myself to actually do it. To get down to that level and do what they wanted me to do. To succumb to mind-numbingly stupid paperwork that no one will ever look at again. I felt it was a waste of a part of my life and was so completely odd that it just hurt my brain to understand it's existence.
Do you know what I mean?
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There are certain things in the world that are so man-made that I feel disconnected from them. Mad-made things that serve a purpose is different, of course. It's things like really detailed paperwork, accounting, stocks... almost anything having to do with numbers, forms, interest percentages and projected value, and the world of legal things. It all gets lost on me.
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It now makes so much sense why I am so drawn to things that are sensory and artistic. Photography, design, color, sound, making things and creating concepts... these things all hold feeling. They say something. They make you feel something. They are much easier to understand. They have a much more clear purpose for existing. Beauty, ideas and communication... those things are so obviously important.
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Those things are what life is. Those are the things we are supposed to be experiencing. I believe that those "other" things just distract us from what we're supposed to be doing and being. It almost sounds to be in line with the idea of the devil distracting you from being a whole and good person.
Those awful dry numbers and forms and people without souls!!
It reminds me of the news story about the woman in Columbus who painted a sunflower mural on her garage and was told to paint back over it or be fined or jailed... because of zoning laws. She was to have permission to paint any design with more than two colors onto the exterior of HER OWN HOME.
I cannot understand this.
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It's those things that tell me that there's much more out there in our universe. There is no way... NO WAY that this is all there is. I'll take it as proof that if our minds can imagine that there's more out there.... then there must be.
