The Mom Dance

Queen of Bad Weaves

Are you ready for a recap of an episode full of nothing too exciting?  Great!  Let's do this.

"I'm a positive...artistic...California girl." says Alex as she gives us patheticface.

There are people with real problems in the world that we're more concerned with.  Like...what is on Molly's head?

stacks of bread?

a bowl of ramen noodles?

hand twisted yarn, in sunshine yellow?

Then, most dramatic and suspenseful moment of our lives happens...

Alex wants to know...WHO moved her towel and WHERE it has been relocated to!

The girls rattle off their opinions of Alex after the towel incident, with things like..

- obnoxious, controlling

- maybe she's bipolar

- severe psychological issues

- I'm kinda scared of her

I know Kasia will not win this thing.  Cover Girl does not want to be responsible for the death of a model.  Kasia says, "I think I'll die if I get a Cover Girl contract!".  Umm.  Be careful what you wish for?

Look how cute Brit looks!  Just saying!

They are going to be working in groups for the challenge, to create a little commercial that they write and direct themselves.  Oh great.  It's funny that Alex gets randomly placed as the role of "Talent" and is excited about it.  She is the director in every situation so I assume this is going to be nothing but gold for us!

Alexandria - Talent...perfect OXYMORON!  They had to have planned that.

Alex reminds her teammates (Molly & Monique) 3 times that she is "the talent" as she bosses them around, telling them what to write and how to direct.

And Monique is amazing in this episode.  Seriously genius and I love her now.  When Monique mocks Alexandria it is beyond priceless.

"Can I just learn my linesss-uhh!"

Alex goes into her natural state, diva mode, and Monique tries to calm down the situation and put Alex into a good mood.  To ease the tension she says, "Do you wanna hug?  Should we all hug or something?  Do a three way kiss?"

And they do.

Watching Brit as a director was great.  She was totally expressive.

Poor Dalya was a train-wreck in her commercial.  It was super awkward but I blame that mostly on the weird concept and lack of script.

Look at Monique's face as they get their critique.  She even says, "Had Alex not been so frickin annoying, we probably would've won."  And I agree.

Boo hoo.  Alex tells us that she had to grow up fast in her abusive family and all she's trying to do is "fix and help".

Too late for sympathy!  We don't care.  Just stop being a bitch!

Monique "looks in Alex's diary" which was probably prompted by producers.  But is typical enough of girls to be believable.  It blows over so quickly though that I think it was staged.

The girls had a photo shoot at the old L.A. zoo with a little Jaguar.  Here are the best shots:

Nice, right?  What did the judges have to say?

"You need to grab onto the handlebars of fierceness and not let go." Tyra on Mikala

"I'm the queen of the bad weaves." Tyra on Molly

"You have to give it to yourself." Tyra on Dalya

"All of us want this jacket, including me." Nigel on Brit

Then Tyra gets really pissed at Nigel for saying such a thing about that gorilla fur jacket and tries to strangle him.

In the end, Dalya has to go home and practice giving it to herself as Tyra suggests.

Photos I loved this week?

Although overall, I hated the styling so much.  Like, it looks tacky and just nasty and gross.  Look at what they did to Brit.  She looked better in shorts and a tshirt with no makeup.  They're styled like cheap hookers with nasty fake fur.  I'm so in hate with it all!  Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhg.  Next week they better step it UP or else...I'll...

Honestly, I Don't Have No Thoughts

Makeover Episode OMG.

The girls found out they were getting makeovers by discovering a big tarp with "makeover descriptions" all over it.  "Manly Brown Spikes" and "Short Dutch Boy" were some of the visionary descriptors.

They show up at the salon, which is probably one of the best in the city.  Miss Jay already got his hair done so he could encourage the girls with his results.  "See?  They did my hair, too!".  Way to lead by example!

Brittani is getting the "Short Dutch Boy" cut.  

To my surprise, it's an actual haircut.  Boys in the Netherlands really look like that!

All jokes aside though...Brittani's haircut should be called The Trailer Park Removal because it clearly takes her up a notch or 10.  The only thing she has left to do to completely separate herself from trailerdom is drop that "i" from the end of her name!  Brittani with an i is so destined for stripperville.  I propose that she, with her new haircut and top model status, be refered to as Brit.  Much cooler.

Jaclyn gets har hair curled.  She gets her curly hair...curled.  What a revolutionary makeover!!  Miss Jay comes over to tell Jaclyn that when she leaves that chair, there's a razor waiting for her hair.  She says, hesitantly, "okay."  What a trooper!  Good thing Miss Jay followed up with PSYCH!

Sara begs and pleads for her rattail to be removed.  They don't have rattail removal insurance in Texas!

It happens!  They chop the 'tail and Sara shows it off with pride...saying, "Do you wanna lick it?"

1.) That's what she said.

2.) Thanks for the generous offer but I'll pass!

Alexandria has a stern talking-to with the professional salon employees.  Aside from being a model, Alexandria is also an expert at hair fusion techniques and being a bitch!  Multi-talented and not to be messed with.

I was so excited to see Molly's makeover, since she is one of my faves.  But when I saw what was happening to her head...my heart sank.  The look on her face tell me she was let down, too.

Oh, how lovely!  The finished makeover is braids.  How fun!

PSYCH!

Lorrrrrrrrrd!  Why!  Seriously if you have to braid up all your real hair and then sew fake hair to your head for 6 hours...your hair must be really horrible.  That is a lot of effort to cover up your actual hair. 

One of Tyra's biggest idols is Dee Snider and she knew that his look would translate just perfectly onto adorable little Molly.  See?

Looking at Molly's hair is like watching a fireworks show!  Let's all oooh and aaaah!

We know, Molly.  We know!

I really thought that Sara's haircut did favors for her.  That grannycurl and rattail she had going on before really wasn't flattering.  It made her look...I donno...more dirty?  But oddly enough, she feels more like "dirty smigel in the corner" with her new haircut!

When they start to get styled for their photoshoot, we see that Molly's hair can look super gorgeous with some heavy styling!  Phew.

And we see more of Alex being a ridiculous Diva to everyone she comes in contact with.  Can you imagine treating complete strangers the way she does?

Smile if the world revolves around you!

Dominique, what do you think about this episode so far?  How do you like the experience of being on Top Model?  You're wearing couture, how does it feel?  You're stranded on an island with only three things - what are they?  They just dyed your eyebrows red...what do you think about that?  What is your position on the war on terror?

Jaclyn!  How do you feel about Diva Alexandria?

Yikes!  Me too!

Alex says we should be scared of her.

And then she says "pshht!" to God.

She even acted a fool on set.  Her enthusiasm just blew everyone away!

Sara is looking fly, right?  And I need that necklace!  I think it was probably one given to her from Erin Wasson in the previous episode.

"Smack that photographer upside his head, through that lens, with your eyes." - Tyra on Mikaela.

And we get to say goodbye to Dominique today.  They told her she was uninspired and she cried and it was a little sad.

 

The best makeovers?

Takin' the trailer park outta Brit.

PHOTO: Troy Jensen/Pottle Productions ©2011 Pottle Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Takin the dirty outta Sara.

PHOTO: Troy Jensen/Pottle Productions ©2011 Pottle Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

And the best photo of the week to me was clearly this one!

Kasia and Molly rocked it so hard.

PHOTO: Pamela Hanson/Pottle Productions ©2011 Pottle Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

"Kasia and Molly have taken us to the level of Swandom!" - ALT on Kasia and Molly's photo

Agreed!  We are now on Level Swandom and it is quite amazing up here!

Soften Every Bone In Your Face

This episode kicked itself off with some heavy foreshadowing.  Somehow, though, I didn't realize it at the time!  Throughout the entire episode, they kept giving it all away almost literally.  Alexandria tells Nicole not to stand at panel with the feeling that she's going to go home.  Stand up there like you're not going home!  Yeah, try that!

Poor Dominique was just trying to make chit-chat with Ondrei and...

Well then.  Debbie Downer!  But actually, that is totally sad and I feel so bad for little Ondrei.  Dominique, on the other hand, gives her the stink-eye for saying such a horrible thing while she's trying to enjoy her pepperoni pizza.

And then the girls start saying things to Ondrei like, "I can't believe you're here after going through all that."  Which was getting into her head, as we now know.

Tyra pops into the model house, showing up with Heather Bauer, a ridiculous French accent and a chef hat.

Brittani freaks out because Tyra is in her (non-trailer) house.

Tyra continues to try to put on the French act with not only the accent, but a bit of broken English thrown in too.

"She, is the nutritionist, of me."

"She teach me how to eat better...for my bodyyyy."

"And today, we are going to feed you."

Things that seem bad, but aren't!

Like Deep Fried Snickers?

Tyra literally FEEDS them some foods.  I don't know why that is necessary.  They could just show them some examples of food.  But that wouldn't be fun!

She tells the girls that the Eggplant is NOT the healthier choice and that they should opt for a massive plate of Spaghetti with Meatballs instead.

Yeah if you DEEP FRY your eggplant, then that is obvious.  But what is their explaination of this choice?

The eggplant absorbs the oil that it is cooked in = bad.

The meatballs have iron which keeps your hair healthy = good!

The real facts are that eggplant, when cooked lightly with a bit of olive oil, is super healthy.  It's low in calories and packed with important vitamins that help your heart, muscles, bones, cartilage, skin, iron/protein metabolism and brain function - to name a few!!  I don't look to ANTM for health tips but this was really annoying.

And then Tyra shared a peanut butter waffle with Kasia - Lady And The Tramp style.

Horaaay for food drama!  I love it when there is 10 whole minutes of a 40 minute show that is spent on fighting over raw meat.  You can't write that stuff!!

Monique and Jaclyn find a bowl of chicken that is marinating in BBQ sauce and they freak out.  I especially love Monique's reaction to seeing raw chicken, in a fridge.

"This is frickin nasty and this needs to get out of my face right now."

That's what she said.

Even better is when we find out that the chicken is Alexandria's - and she ain't havin any of this chicken-preparation-judgement.  Jaclyn is scared for her life.

Alexandria loves to act like tough shit.  It's her thing.  I'm 21!  I know things!  I am the shit!  I look like I do heroin, but I don't!  I know how to make chicken, I'm 21!  I know how to model better than everyone ever!  I'll cut you!

They get to the location for their challenge of the day and they discover that they'll be competing on "America's Psychic Challenge"...

What?  Doesn't that guy look like he'd host that show?

What they really have to do is be analyzed by that guy who is a child psychologist.

Molly talks about being adopted.

Jaclyn struggles with having a baby face and always being told that her voice is too high.

Alex eats that right up.

Ondrei recounts her tragic story, again.

It's pretty sad.

Then they all apply to Art School by drawing a quick self-portrait.

They did such an amazing job that they were gifted a pair of earrings!  Jaclyn had the best reaction to the gift.  I swear this girl isn't even real!

She says,

"I can't wait to put them on and wear them with a beautiful dress!"

and it's definitely more about the way she says it than what she says.

The editors left out a clip of Jaclyn waking up this morning in the model house, but luckily I have it here:

Right??  It's so her!

Ok, so the best part of the episode was really really quick but really really full of aweosme.  Did you catch it?  Alexandria, tough shit that she is, stabs herself in the eye with her eyeliner.

Amazing.

Now.  Bring on the Bee Pheremone Jewelry!!

Everyone is a little creeped out but not too bad.  No one flips out and refuses to put bees on them, which is a shame.  It's always great when someone passes out.

Hannah cries but not about the bees.  She just cries.  She's feeling not confident or something and cries but manages to pose and model through it which was surprising and pretty great.

Monique, #1 shit talker, narrates Hannah's plight:

"Hanna was crying her eyes out and I'm standing there like You're Pathetic!"

Want to know how Dalya's shoot is going to turn out?  Just listen more closely.  She says that she is just going to focus on her eyes since they tend to look a little dead.  Get it?  Haaaa.

Jaclyn melts my heart with...

"These aren't like, killer bees are they?"

And the stylist replies, "Actually, Jaclyn, they are.  And they really don't respond well to high pitched noises so I would be very, very careful if I were you."

She whispers back, "Oh, dear."

I knew Brittani's photo was going to turn out to be fierce.  Look at her!

America's Next Top Backward Arm Girl!  Or is it her head that is on backward?  It is so dizzying!

At judging, Tyra makes a big scene over her shoes and the fact that she doesn't have them on yet.  And then they show them and they are tiiight.

Alek Wek is really cute.

"Beauty shot doesn't mean beautiful.  It just means a shot of yo face." - Tyra

Ondrei goes home!  But we knew it was coming.  The whole episode was leading us to that moment.  It's a little sad because she was one of the cuter ones, but it's too soon to be that attached to anyone.

Tyra gives us faces.  And words of true wisdom.

To Dominique,

"When you don't take control of your face, your face takes control of you." -Tyra

To Nicole,

"Soften every bone in your face." -Tyra

 

About Hannah,

"Hannah's tears are beautiful because we are feeling her insides come to the outside." -Tyra

Gross!  I usually consider things in that category to be rather disgusting.

 

To Monique,

"Here, you look like some fabulous woman, from the Shanghai fabulous life of the Shanghai of the day when you were in Shanghai." -Andre

Oh!  I totally get it.

The final two girls that might not continue on in hopes of becoming America's. Next. Top. Model. are...

A teenager's Auntie

vs.

A young colt's face

Dalya stays!  Tyra tells her that,

"Accidents almost get you sent home."

Yeah.  In your pants!  Sorry, had to.

And to Nicole?  Well ya shoulda softened those bones in your face like Tyra toldya!

 

My favorites this week?

I think they're doing some couture stuff next week.  Excitement!

Cat's Bottom Mouth

And so begins another season of Top Model which proves to be just as predictably predictable as always - and we keep watching!

There are 14 girls that start out the season - one of which is "plus sized" or as Tyra is now calling her..."Fiercely Real".  It's just fierce how real this girl is.  She's 26, too, so she's also fiercly old!

Another outcast in the ANTM society is the "Fiercely Nappy" rattail girl!  At least she shaves her armpits?

The Jay's show up to tell the girls that they did/didn't make it into the house.  Miss Jay is working his 14 year old preppy girl here to clean your house, look.

The Jay's tell all of the girls that they didn't make the cut.  It's cruel but it gives us the opportunity to see all sorts of emotions.  Which is fun!

And they completely flip a lid when Tyra announces that they ARE in and they're at their new Top Model home.  Screaming Chaos.

They run around getting used to the new place until Dominique calls a family meeting to announce "We ain't got no beds!" and "I don't even know wha to expect nomo!"

Tyra Mail lets the girls know that tomorrow they'll be getting the ball rolling.  Because she's an expert at figuring out word puzzles and clues, Jaclyn decides that must mean only one of two things.

1.) We're goin' to a ball.

2.) We're goin' to a bowling alley.

So in the morning, The Jays tell the girls that they'll be doing...their first runway show!  Cue screamface:

And that they'll be wearing T by Alexander Wang.  Somehow, trailer park girl knows Alexander Wang!  Girl did her homework!  Cue shockface:

And they'll be wearing Erin Wasson's jewelry...

And that they'll be walking on a 12 inch wide runway.  Cue shockface:

In a plastic bubble.  Cue scream/shock/omgface:

Upon seeing the plastic bubble, darling Sweet Tea Jaclyn says "What if they can't get it open and I'm stuck in that bubble for the rest of my life?  That went through my head a million times."

We can only hope!

Did you think the excitement was over?  Well, Russel James is going to be photographing them.  This calls for celebrationface:

The photoshoot is a backstage, behind-the-scenes before the runway show shoot.  I love the idea and have been really getting into looking at shoots from backstage.  They're even more interesting and tell a better story than the runway shows themselves, sometimes!

The emerging bitch of the show so far is Alexandria.  "I have natural swag." and "You don't have to like me." are her words of note.

The plastic bubble, 12 inch runway and the swimming pool combined are complete setups for failure.  Look at Molly - her face says everything.

First, the good.  The only redeeming factor to this challenge was the fact that they had cameras inside the bubbles.  This gave us some really artistic, unique views of the girls walking - confetti flying everywhere.  Pretty cool!

The bad: disaster was bound to strike.  Pretty humiliating - especially because they're completely left to fend for themselves, struggling for minutes to get out of the water.  It was a total hot mess.

Even Miss Jay didn't hold back giggles.  How ruuuude.  Oh yes and he even yelled out "Stay fabulous!!" as Ondrei was flailing about in her bubble.

They were easily brought back to celebrationface when they were told they were being gifted a piece of jewelry from Erin's collection.  It's sort of exciting I suppose but man, they really flip out over every little thing don't they?!

Best Tyra Ever.

Nigel notes that there's such a thing as "Cat's Bottom Mouth" which I've heard makes the rockin' world go round.

Molly wins best photo of the week - well deserved!

And from the amount of emotion that Dominique shows, you'd think she was the one being sent home, right?

Buuuuut...it's this girl:

Tyra tells her to "Go home and practice and get some pictures that are...more striking than you are."  What the heck is that supposed to mean?  Something tells me it's an unintentional insult.  Oh Tyra and the words that spill out of your mouth.

Phew.  That was emotional!  Or not.

It's too early to tell right now, but at this point my favorites are:

It's Model Time Again!

Here are my faves..

Kayla

Ann

Jane

    

Guess Who

I ran into a few new pics of Raina!  Nice, right?

I loved watching ANTM with you and having "deep, meaningful" discussions about which nagging B**** should get kicked off next.  Baahaha.

What show are we gonna watch next?!
Hopefully a new Project Runway will start soon enough!
We need a show! 

New Zealand Showdown

 This week on ANTM, it was their first challenge in New Zealand!  I was really excited to see it.  I felt that the go-see challenge was a bit weird and seemed to be an inaccurate judging of the girls... but then again.... which challenge is ever an accurate representation of them?!  Hah.

I was so happy to see Raina do well in this photo!  Judging by how some of the other girls are doing I am starting to feel that she needs to step up her game.  She hasn't been on top in a while...

She looks like an evil queen in this photo but in a really good way!
 

Hairy Mess

This past week on ANTM was full of drag, drama, hair and surprises.

 Another "pointless" challenge but I suppose it's a good way to fill up the show with something other than the girls sitting in their house bitching at each other.

They did some of that, too, until it was time to get ready for their photo shoot!

 
We know already that Raina is going to easily slide into the top two or three, if not Win.  So it's not too suspenseful to watch the eliminations.

Some of the girls had really horrid outfits to model.  Either Raina's wasn't that bad OR she just looks great in everything.  I'm not sure which it is!!  She looks awesome, again, of course.  The shoes are just wrong, though.

Last but not least, we "find out" that the girls are going to New Zealand!!  (I already knew, but it's still exciting, since Melanie is there!)  Now the show is going to start getting good!

Come on Raina, win it!
 

Ice Capped Volcano

Oh look!  It's my favorite girl on Earth, Nicole!!  I sort of squealed when she made her appearance on this week's episode of ANTM.  She was only on the screen for about 4.5 seconds but it was amazing anyway.

Aside from the Nicole appearance, this week's episode was pretty lame.  The "challenge" was blah.  I don't even know who this woman is.  She designs handbags and so egotistically asks "Which one of my bags is your favorite?".  Yeah it's a party for her bags but still, who asks that in that way?

Home-girl was rocking it once again.  I don't know how Angelea keeps doing so well.  Ya know??  How is it that a man with a wig can do so well on ANTM when it's clearly an all girls competition.

Naturally, Raina's photo is perfection.  One of the judges describes her as an "ice capped volcano" which is as contradictory as always on that show.  They're judging people by their looks for a living, we can't expect brilliance from them!

Raina for the win! 

Fabulous Fake

 This week, the photo shoot was based around the fakeness in fashion.  I loooved this photo shoot!  The crazier the hair/makeup/fashion is... the more I am in love with it.  Seriously!  Awesome.

 
Just look at that concept with the eyes closed/open.
Aaaaagh!  Yes!  The main reason I watch this show.
What did you think of it?

As far as Raina's picture is concerned, I thought they could've chosen a better one.  You know?  Watching them shoot the photos, it seemed like she gave them a lot of good looks but they chose yet another photo in which she's not looking at the camera.  Still, I do like the picture.

That said, Jessica (my other fave girl!!) is kicking some booooty, right!  I just loved how she was giving them sooo much movement in the photo shoot!  That girl will get so many modeling jobs from this show whether or not she wins.

Sad, you lost your girl, Tatiana!  Aww.